From West Virginia

Learning from my mentor Tom Antion

Conflicts and Not Saying NO

Conflicts and not saying NO can mess you up
As I was finishing up my day today, my colleague Robert Lim gave me some important lessons in Conflict management, even though it was pretty late. He was referring to intra personal conflict, conflict within oneself. To be specific, he was saying to me that there was a need to say NO! Not too many bosses would listen to a short lecture but I did. This is something that has intrigued me all my life. My father told me to learn to say NO!. My teachers told me to say NO! Well, I will admit it. My wife and sons have told me from time to time to say NO! Not that they are pretty good at it themselves. I have lost so much money simply because I was not able to say NO.
In the Myers Briggs Type Indicator there are two dimensions the T and F – Thinking and Feeling. I agonise saying NO for fear of hurting people and in the process I have hurt myself. My psychological training places so much premium on treating people well that I just cannot bring upon myself to pain people. This sometimes gives an impression that I am indecisive or to be very critical not very open.
“Say NO when you need to, just do it politely” my Professor used to say. He does it beautifully “I love to help but I just can’t, I know you may not like it but I am real sorry.’ People who can do it do it so well. Robert’s concern was I was agonizing over something so simple, I was concerned about how people would feel when I say NO as opposed to what was the right thing to do from a business perspective.
I just learned again something very invaluable from Robert. I will only be a better person when I use the skill. Well, I hope to try and say NO when it is needed and politely. We will explore more the internal conflicts that go within a person:
1. Should I have a drink?
2. Should I smoke?
3. Should I exercise?
4. Should I buy on credit card when I have no money?
5. Should I fight when I know it is not right?
6. Should I blame someone when it is my problem?
7. Should I displace my anger on another?
Organizational conflict can occur at several levels: within individuals, between individuals, between groups and between organizations. While we will focus on intra and inter personal conflict, the principles and ideas discussed here will be valid for individual and inter-group and inter-organizational conflicts. Conflict typically proceeds through four stages even if each step is not recognized as such. The phases identified by theorist Louis Pondy are as follows:

Phase 1: Latent
Phase 2: Perceived
Phase 3: Felt
Phase 4: Manifest

We will discuss these and conflict resolution strategies in the next blog. Remember we started with collaborative learning and right now, I think it is appropriate for us to look at it considering current workplace issues.

The World is Flat

I have been fascinated by Thomas Friedman's The World Is Flat. I bought the 2005 book in 2006.

I mentioned it in the Learn & Perform E News after a first reading in 2006. This morning, I had a chance to read it again. It is a master piece that no executive can afford to miss. I was at the hospital this morning for a series of check ups. In between the checks I had a re read. Oh, my goodness, it is indeed a powerful book. Full of stories and an underlying message that just does not allow you to put the book away. The hospital staff were pretty annoyed with me. And, I am sure my family is annoyed with me for staying so late to finish this blog post.

I wish I had read it more times much before.

The message that the world is flat, the playing field is levelled and the ten forces that flattened the world are a must to know for any executive. The Triple Convergence and the great sorting out again are powerful tips for survival and relevance in a competitive world. The words that anything you think can be done, will be done by someone else faster, quicker and cheaper from some other part of the world in your market was quite a wake up call. All I can say is you must read the book to get the message. From 11/9 the coming down of the Berlin Wall to 9/11, the coming down of the Twin Towers, Friedman outlines the flattening of the world spectacularly.

In the chapter on the Great Sorting Out, he describes how the world is moving from a primarily vertical - command and control - system for creating value to a more horizontal connect and collaborate - value creation model. In the last few blogs we discussed the collaborative learning/working concept from our worlds and Friedmann is bringing in the concept of collaboration at a much higher level.

He quotes Lou Gerstner, the former Chairman of IBM " Transformation of an enterprise begins with a sense of urgency or crisis. No institution will go through fundamental change unless it believes it is in deep trouble and needs to do something different to survive."

Do we recognise this urgency?

Active Learning

I had the opportunity of running a teleseminar on the subject Collaborative Learning.
The discussions revolved around Active Learning. The goal is to ensure we have no passengers. Though there were no objections to that remark, there was a valid question. One of the participants asked the question - How do we manage passengers in a teleseminar?

Any thoughts.

Greatness

The progressive transform simple lifes into great destinies.

Mahatma Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Nasser, George Washington, Mohammed Yunus are some great and outstanding people who started ordinary but created extraordinary feats.

How can we collaborate to be progressive?